Don’t laugh at Wayne Rooney – he could be the next Poet Laureate

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In the vast Venn diagrams that represent life, it's unusual to see "football" and "poetry" intersecting. However, during last night's episode of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, Coleen Rooney was an impressive example of that unique overlap.

"Does he express his love verbally?" her co-star GK Barry inquires about Coleen's husband, Wayne Rooney, who is a football player. "He often writes me poetry," she replies.

It's easy to chuckle at this. Until last night, I only knew Wayne Rooney had a way with words because of his knack for alliteration in his children's names (Kai, Klay, Kit, and Cass).

Absolutely! It’s quite amusing to picture a guy known for his skills in the penalty area, his thinning hair, and his rumored shady interactions with escorts, sitting in an away locker room while fully dressed in his uniform. He’s writing on hotel notepaper something like: “Roses are red / Football fields are green / I score goals / and my heart belongs to you, Coleen.”

The amusement fades when we recall other Manchester United players who have tried their hand at poetry. Ryan Giggs, for instance, made headlines with some rhyming verses that came to light during a controversy involving accusations of him headbutting his girlfriend and elbowing her sister. He wrote lines such as, “you are my love, my friend, my soul /…you believe in me. Which makes me feel as strong as a totem pole.” Giggs consistently denied the claims against him and was eventually exonerated of all charges.

Aside from totem poles, why do we find it so amusing to think about football players actually writing something romantic? Or even writing anything at all?

It appears that we tend to classify men into two main groups: those focused on physicality and those centered around intellect. When we talk about "masculine men," we often refer to individuals who rely on their physical abilities for their work or as a measure of their achievements. This includes builders, carpenters, and athletes, who are often grouped with fit CEOs and influencers, categorized as "alpha males." Their value, drive, and moral strength are frequently equated with having a well-defined physique.

Conversely, there are what some might call "beta males" or "sensitive men"—individuals such as writers, accountants, office employees, and poets like myself. In a capitalist world, our value is often believed to stem from our intellectual contributions. This situation reflects a rigid binary distinction between masculinity and femininity, where men are viewed as practical and rational, while women are seen as abstract and emotional.

As GK Barry mentioned last night, “I never imagined Wayne Rooney could compose a love poem. I never viewed him as the type of person who would do something like that.”

This leads me to ask right away: what type of person are we talking about? Is it the kind of person who can pull off an overhead kick that many still regard as one of the greatest goals in Premier League history, and also write a poem expressing his love for his wife? Surely, those two sides can't belong to the same individual, can they? Why not?

When we find out that he writes poetry, we're often surprised (or even a bit sarcastic) because it challenges our perceptions of him—and maybe our views on people in general. It's astonishing to think that someone could be both physically strong and creatively intelligent!

As a 31-year-old poet currently in a Sheffield hotel room for a book tour, feeling the absence of my pregnant wife as we await our first child, I have my thoughts on Wayne Rooney's poetry. Frankly, it doesn’t concern us. What really captures my attention is the interesting contrast between the public and private spheres that comes into play here:

Coleen mentions, "We’ve been in the spotlight… and ever since his initial mistake became public, people have been unable to move past it."

We believe she is talking about the 2010 news that Wayne Rooney was unfaithful to her with two escorts while she was expecting their first child. I'd say we can all agree that this behavior is unethical.

However, to evaluate their relationship based solely on that would reinforce the notion that Wayne Rooney's value lies solely in his physical abilities, whether in sports or his personal life. Additionally, the public and commentators like me speculating on whether the Rooneys should stay married or delving into the meaning of his poems is essentially us trying to pry into a private and emotional matter that isn't ours to judge.

Rooney's poetry is deeply personal. As Coleen Rooney puts it, "We're not the type of couple who displays affection openly... but when someone goes out of their way to do something special for you, those words carry weight."

Words hold significance, which is why poetry and sports commentary exist. Even if the verses are not great, their quality doesn't matter as long as the person we care about enjoys them. Right?