Vicky Ewan: Comings and goings of a happy life

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The other day, I had an insightful realization that popped into my mind. It was one of those "eureka" moments that seemed to come out of nowhere, and I eagerly shared it with my spouse to confirm its validity. We were both in the kitchen, doing mundane tasks like washing dishes or taking out the trash when the thought struck me and I turned to my partner. "Do you have any idea what we've become?" I asked with a lighthearted chuckle, as if I were a character in a fancy play (at least, that's what I imagined). My husband, used to my rhetorical questions, offered some unhelpful suggestions that I dismissed with patience. Finally, he gave up and waited for my enlightening response (again, that's what I imagined).

I didn't ignore him. I proudly exclaimed, "Our kids come home for the holidays like grown-ups!" It felt like a big accomplishment, though I couldn't explain why. After thinking about it, I realized that to have adult children visit, we had to let them leave in the first place. That wasn't something I wanted to think about for too long. My husband agreed but wasn't as excited as I had hoped. Maybe he didn't fully comprehend the significance or maybe he just wanted to finish cleaning up.

Last weekend, we had a rare occasion where my husband's days off coincided with our daughters' time off from work and our sons' break from school. We were excited to have everyone together and had plans to pick up the girls from their transportation methods. The only downside was that my older son had work the majority of the Bank Holiday weekend. However, we looked forward to our Easter gathering at my dad's house and a delicious meal of roast lamb. We were also preparing for guests by tidying the house, including asking my younger son to clean his messy room for his sister's stay.

I am a big fan of my son's sister. Thankfully, my son was willing to help me prepare for her visit without complaining. After the inspiring annual Good Friday Walk of Witness service, I talked with a friend about the tasks I needed to do before my daughter's arrival. She shared how she was preparing for her own adult children's arrivals and departures on the same day and the extra work it required. I understood her situation. This conversation made me realize that I put more effort into cleaning my home for my daughter's visits than when she was living with me permanently. Though I clean my home regularly, it is not always exceptional.

I was worried that since my kids had been away for a while, they would come back and notice how messy our home is. I worked hard to clean everything up nicely, but I was still nervous they would see all the imperfections I usually ignore. Despite my worries, I felt good about creating a comfortable space for them, even if it wasn't perfect. However, as I continued to clean up after them, I started to feel a little resentful. I can't wait for them to come back, though.

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