"Lily Allen says having kids ruined her career – as a mother, I think she has a point"

One of my male acquaintances mentioned that his finance buddy availed all the available parental leave from work. But, when he returned to work, his job was in danger since he was extensively lagging. It was quite challenging for me to react to this without laughing. Doesn't this resemble the typical experience of being a woman?

I grew up thinking that I could achieve everything I wanted: a fulfilling family life, a thriving career, a beautiful home, a healthy body, and enjoyable vacations. But as I got older, I learned that life requires making a lot of sacrifices. Becoming an adult is no easy feat, and sometimes we have to let go of certain things. This is especially true for women who are mothers, and yet even if they talk about it – just like Lily Allen did recently – it's often frowned upon.

During an appearance on the Radio Times podcast, the singer of the hit song "Smile" made a lighthearted remark to host Kelly-Anne Taylor. She joked that her career had been destroyed by her children. Despite laughing about it, Allen expressed that she loves her children and they bring her joy, but they have hindered her pop stardom. The singer did not agree with the notion that one can have everything in life. She admitted that she chose to prioritize her family over her career, and she does not regret it because she believes her children have grown into well-rounded individuals.

Although Allen deeply cares for her children and stands by her decision, she has faced intense backlash for discussing her personal life. Some men have made derogatory statements about her character, while others have suggested that she is responsible for her situation and should accept it silently. On the other hand, women have expressed concerns about how Allen's children will react to her words, questioning her love for them.

I wasn't even a bit surprised. It's typical for women, especially those who are also mothers, to face harsh criticism for suggesting that parenting may negatively affect their career advancement, particularly during the initial years. In certain groups, it's considered blasphemous. However, it's essential to speak up about this reality and not to stay silent. Everyone will be ill-served if we do.

Parenting has a significant impact on various aspects of a person's life, including their time, energy, and finances. Although both mothers and fathers are affected by this, women tend to bear the burden more consistently. In the United Kingdom, there is still a lack of equal parental leave, resulting in a motherhood pay gap, which is a possible reason for the gender pay gap. This pay gap affects a woman's finances until well into retirement. Additionally, the UK has the third-highest childcare costs in the world, which often causes women to quit their jobs or work part-time to manage these costs.

I feel fortunate to have some amazing female friends who are at the height of their careers. They exert a lot of effort, but they also benefit from having the advantage of paid childcare or a partner who is a stay-at-home parent, which is not the norm. Being able to devote time to succeeding comes with a cost. As a single mom who frequently has to go on business trips, balancing work and family can be quite demanding and can drain me financially.

Although Allen likely receives a lot of financial backing, her occupation as a performer requires her to frequently travel for weeks or even months at a time which can cause separation from her loved ones and home. Therefore, it's understandable that she faces the tough decision of prioritizing a consistent and steady life for her and her children or chasing after triumphs in an unsteady and unpredictable industry.

An aspect that is often overlooked in this argument is that when you become a parent, your focus shifts. This is because you are now responsible for the well-being of a tiny, defenseless individual and guiding them to become a desirable member of society. This is a significant responsibility, and whichever approach you choose to take, it will impact the rest of your life.

I used to be really focused on my career and put it as my top priority before becoming a mother. However, now I'm still very driven, but if my child is sick and needs to be picked up from school, I have to drop everything to be there for them. It doesn't matter who I'm with or what work I'm doing, being a parent takes precedence. Sometimes I have to turn down amazing job opportunities that involve travel or fancy events because I have to stay in London with my son. I can't just drop everything for work anymore, but I don't see that as a negative thing. It's just the reality of my situation as a mother. I can't juggle everything perfectly, but that's okay. Having it all just means something different to me now.

Our never-ending urge to criticize women when they express their emotions about their personal lives takes us back to an era where women were muzzled and humiliated for sharing their experiences. Women have the freedom to pick what they want to prioritize in their lives, and if possible, they should try to achieve it. It's essential to be truthful about our choices.

Did becoming a parent negatively impact my profession? It didn't ruin it, but it definitely transformed it permanently. Certain decisions need to be taken. Instead of criticizing females who claim that motherhood isn't always cheerful, that it sometimes entails compromises or comes with a sense of sadness for leaving behind a different lifestyle, it's high time we give them an ear and comprehend their viewpoint.

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