Nobel Laureate Alice Munro stayed with paedophile husband as she ‘loved him too much’
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The daughter of Nobel Prize winner Alice Munro has shared that she was the victim of sexual abuse by her stepfather, and that the acclaimed author decided to remain with him because of her strong feelings for him.
Munro released over twelve compilations of short stories that typically take place in her hometown of Huron County in rural southwestern Ontario. Her stories delved into intricate human topics such as longing, relationships between mothers and daughters, and ethical dilemmas.
In a recent essay for the Toronto Star, Andrea Robin Skinner, the daughter of the writer, revealed that she was sexually assaulted by Munro's second husband, Gerald Fremlin, when she was just nine years old.
Fremlin, who was in his 50s back then, got into Skinner's bed while she was asleep and continued to harm her during her teenage years. He would "show himself during car rides", talk to Skinner about "young girls in the area he was interested in", and openly discussed her mother's "sexual desires."
She told her stepbrother Andrew about what happened, and he told her father James. James decided not to do anything about it. Munro didn't seem to know about the abuse or her husband's behavior, until some old friends of Fremlin said he had exposed himself to their 14-year-old daughter.
At 11 years old, Skinner was the focus of Fremlin's comments, which Munro seemed to find comforting. Fremlin claimed that Skinner was "not his preferred choice" for some reason. He went on to criticize today's society as overly conservative, implying that it used to be acceptable for kids to learn about sex through interaction with adults. Munro reportedly did not show any sign of response to these remarks.
In the meantime, her daughter, struggling with the impact of the abuse, began to suffer from bulimia, sleep problems, and severe headaches. She had to leave college because her condition was consuming her life. However, in her mid-20s, she felt compelled to open up to her mother after seeing how a story about a woman who takes her own life after being sexually abused by her stepfather deeply affected Munro.
"Why didn't she inform her mother?" she inquired of me. In a month's time, after being moved by her response to the tale, I penned a letter to her revealing finally the ordeal I had experienced," Skinner penned.
A part of the message she sent to her mom said, "For sixteen years, I have kept a hidden truth. Gerry sexually abused me when I was nine, while you were in China. When you shared the 'Marine Life' story with me, I felt like crying and expressing my gratitude and finally revealing the secret. I have always feared that you would blame me for what occurred."
Nonetheless, Munro reacted just as I had anticipated, as if she had discovered a betrayal.
Skinner kept going, "She contacted my sister Sheila, informed her of her departure from Fremlin, and flew to her apartment in Comox, BC. I visited her there and was struck by her feelings of harm towards herself.
She thought that my father wanted to embarrass her by making us keep the secret. She then shared with me about other kids that Fremlin had 'special relationships' with, stressing how she felt personally let down.
After the news of the incident became known, Fremlin allegedly warned her that he would harm her if she reported it to the authorities. He also sent letters to her family, accusing her of being responsible for the mistreatment.
"He called me, as a nine-year-old, a 'homewrecker' and implied that my family's inaction meant they agreed with him," she recounted. He accused his stepdaughter of "intruding into my room for sexual thrills" and dismissed her fear as "just a fabrication."
It is claimed that he wrote, "Andrea has caused harm to two people who are in love... If things get really bad, I plan to share this publicly. I will release several photos, especially ones taken at my cabin near Ottawa that speak volumes... including one of Andrea wearing my boxer shorts..."
In the meantime, Skinner was deeply saddened by her mother's choice to remain with her spouse.
She mentioned that she was informed too late, expressed strong feelings for him, and blamed our society for expecting her to ignore her own desires, prioritize her children, and compensate for the mistakes of men. She was insistent that whatever occurred was solely between me and my stepfather, and had no connection to her.
A conversation with Munro in the New York Times, where Munro spoke fondly of her husband and her "tight-knit" bond with her three daughters, prompted Skinner to notify the authorities of the incident in 2005.
Fremlin, who is 80 years old, was accused of indecently assaulting Skinner and admitted his guilt. He was given a suspended sentence and placed on probation for two years. The court also instructed him to stay away from children under the age of 14 for the next two years. Munro remained with her significant other until his passing in 2013. She unfortunately passed away earlier this year.
Skinner explained why she chose to share her story of abuse. She wanted her experience to be included in the narratives people tell about her mother. She didn't want to see any more interviews, biographies, or events that didn't address the truth of what she went through. Skinner wanted to bring attention to the fact that her mother decided to stay with and defend her abuser, despite knowing what had happened.
When it came to my relationship with my mother, I never found a way to mend things. I didn't feel pressured to repair our bond or forgive her. Instead, I focused on grieving her absence, which was a crucial step in my recovery.
If you are a young person and need assistance with a difficult situation, you can reach out to the NSPCC for free by dialing 0800 1111. As an adult, if you have concerns about a child, you can contact the NSPCC at 0808 800 5000. For support as an adult survivor of childhood abuse, you can call Napac at 0808 801 0331.
